Mourning Our Loss

You may have noticed that I have not posted much in the last couple weeks. Our family has been on a bit of a roller coaster for the past few weeks. Three weeks ago we found out I was pregnant. We were very excited about welcoming a new little life into our family. Two weeks ago I started going to the doctor because we were concerned about all of the spotting I was having. After a couple visits and several days on bed rest, we were relieved to discover that is normal for my body, partly because I carry so low. Unfortunately, this past weekend I got a stomach bug, and this morning I lost the baby. We were about 6 weeks along and are understandably disappointed. David came home from work and took me to the doctor. The doctor believes my body will be able to take care of everything on its own and that if we like, we will be able to try again soon. As disappointed as I am, I must say I have several things I am particularly thankful for. I have mentioned on a previous Front Porch Friday that my parents emphasized being thankful for what you have so you don't get so hung up on what you don't have. Today especially I need to be reminded of that lesson, so I am going to list some of the things I am particularly thankful for today.

1. I am thankful for my husband, David. We have had many stressful events to deal with over the past two years, and I can honestly say that I would rather relive that two years with him than not go through any of it at all. I have relied on his strength and calm more times than I can count.

2. I am thankful for my precious baby girl, Jessica. She is a sweet, well-behaved, and happy child with lots of energy! She gives me something to smile about every day, and I am looking forward to being able to spend more of my energy on her over the next several weeks as she had to take a backseat the last several weeks.

3. I am thankful that I still have all of my "support network" intact. I saw a man as I was going into the hospital today sitting on a bench at the duck pond with his head in his hands. He had a stroller with a baby in it to his right and a toddler running around behind him. I don't know what was wrong, but I know he was hurting. I can only assume that he lost a part of his "support network" today.

4. I am thankful that my baby did not have to suffer and consequently our family. I read a lot of blogs related to cloth diapering, baby wearing, crafting, etc., and one of them, MckMama has been watching her poor 9 month old at death's door all weekend because he was born with a heart defect.

5. I am thankful for friends who have had the same experience to give me "big sisters" to look at and say "See they came through it just fine and so will you."

6. I am thankful for yet another life experience and hope. I am one of those people who likes to ask the "big questions." How did we get here? Why are we here? We can never answer all of the questions completely, but each life experience teaches us more about those questions and helps us better understand the Creator.

Finally I am closing with two hymns that have meant a lot to me.

When peace like a river attendeth my way.
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot Thou hast taught me to say
It is well. It is well with my soul.

That song was written by a man when he was sailing over the same spot where his children had been lost at sea due to a terrible storm. I have often wondered if I could have written those same words under such trying circumstances.

When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed
When you are discouraged thinking all is lost
Count your many blessings, name them one by one
and it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

That is a song my mother used to sing to us when we were little. There have been many challenging situations that have come up over the past two years. Each time I thought, I can't make it, and each time when I looked back, I realized just how much God had blessed us despite adverse situations because we were able to experience more of him.