Ups and Downs

The last several months have had lots of ups and downs. Some weeks I feel really good about what we are doing and how Jessica is improving. Other weeks I feel really down about what we are doing and how much further Jessica still has to go. Recently I've noticed a trend. The weeks that I feel really good are also the weeks when one of our therapists is really pleased with Jessica's progress or someone says something about how much progress Jessica has made or my mother-in-law says that Jessica is really lucky to have me as her mom because I know how to help her because I am a lot the same way. The weeks I feel really down are the weeks that her doctor starts talking about Aspergers (again) or a therapist asks what we plan to do about schooling or a friend hints that she might be autistic or we get strange looks while at the grocery store or someone says "Well, you just need to do ___" (as if I am not doing enough already or somehow it's my fault she is delayed).

I clipped this out of one of John's Sunday School papers, and I keep it laminated on my fridge:

Have you ever thought about the fact that God chose you to be the parent of your child? He knew exactly what your child needed in a parent, and He chose you. He knows your strengths, your weaknesses, and your amazing capacity to love. And, He gave you this baby. But, He didn't give you this baby and walk away. He is there -- every minute of every day -- guiding you through this parenting journey. He has a story of love and redemption to tell your child through you. He wants your precious baby to know that their Heavenly Father is there to help them, just like He's there to help you -- every step of the way.

Some days it is hard to remember that despite all of the negatives I might hear, God has a plan, and He is with us every step of the way. Last week was great. This week was tough. Here's hoping next week will be one of the great ones...

A Few Pictures

Well, I am still horribly behind from the last few months with Jessica's therapy, LOTS of traveling, the holidays, etc. I am hoping to do a few catch up posts over the next couple weeks. We tried to take a cute picture of our kids tonight in their footie pajamas, but instead we got this....lol

We tried the classic pose of sitting them next to each other, but instead we got this...

....and this.....obviously related to my side of the family.....

Then we tried sitting John in front of Jessica, but apparently he doesn't like to be squeezed to death....who knew?!?!?

As a last ditch effort, we tried putting me with a book as a distraction in the shot.....you can see how well that worked...

Thankfully, we did manage to get one that was halfway decent out of those shenanigans!!! Just so you know that wasn't even close to the total number of shots we took!!!

It's a Wonderful, Meaningful Life!

For Christmas, Jessica received the new Veggie Tales dvd, It's a Meaningful Life, from one of her great-grandmothers. It is based off one my favorite movies, It's a Wonderful Life. After watching It's a Meaningful Life with Jessica, I do believe that I might actually like it better than It's a Wonderful Life! "Sacrilege!" ...I know, but I think I learned a very valuable lesson this year from that video. Innately I am a scientist. I love to explore life in a very hands-on way. My favorite television shows are Star Trek. Things of an abstract nature can be rather challenging for me. There are things about religion that I find rather challenging as well because some things are not concrete and cannot be proven. However, over the past year I have been slowly coming to the realization that if I cut all of those "touchy-feely" religious beliefs out of my life, then what I am left with is anxiety and stomach ulcers!

The last couple months have been a bit of a strain for me. As Jessica grows closer and closer to school-aged, it becomes more and more apparent that she is delayed in multiple areas of development. That fact in and of itself is not what has been bothering me. I value all children for who they are just the way God made them, and I do not have any expectations for Jessica to live up to, save one: to be sweet. What has been stressing me is worrying that I am not being the parent she needs me to be. Am I making the right choices? Do I have her in the right therapy with the right therapist? Are we doing enough homework to help her progress as well as possible in therapy? etc, etc, etc. David has also been strained because of the financial side of it. How long will she need therapy? Can we afford to send her to the best therapists we can find as long as she needs it? We are actually in the process of making some major changes to our household in the next few months to address some of these concerns.

But the thing that has made the biggest difference in how we feel about all of this is what I learned from It's a Meaningful Life: God has a purpose for my life. Yes, I grew up believing that, but it was one of those things that I could never really get my hands on concretely, so I let go of that belief. I have since learned that I am a happier person when I choose to believe that my life has meaning, that I have a purpose, so I am choosing to believe it! God gave me the life experiences that I have had growing up with severe ADHD, so that I would be ready to be just the right Mommy for Jessica. He gave me parents who really believed God made me special and pushed me to exceed the expectations most people would have for someone like me. God guided my choices in college so that I would have just the right tools to help me. I walked into my first graduate class in School Psychology without having a clue what a School Psychologist did and ended up being fortunate enough to find myself in a program that is very behavioral, which was just what I needed. He also arranged that I would take a very different path from what I expected and meet David, my husband, who is best described as my partner. We make an awesome team and work so well together. God continues to bless us with both positive and negative experiences that allow us to learn more about Him. So....Welcome 2011. I'm ready to grab you by the horns....so bring it!

I'm still here...

Just wanted to pop in for a moment to let you know that I have not disappeared off the face of the planet! We have been very busy after our trip at Thanksgiving....unpacking, doing laundry, going to appointments, getting ready for Christmas, and getting ready to travel for Christmas....oh wait that is just what I have been busy doing! David and the kids have also been pretty busy!

David has been working hard trying to save up a little bit of off time for Christmas. John just started babbling the other day!!! Jessica didn't start babbling until 9 months, so I was quite surprised!!! John is also sitting up unassisted now! We do still have the occasional tumbles, but he is getting much better! John also went to the eye doctor with me the other day. They think one of his eyes is slightly turned in, but they are hopeful that it will correct itself. They also noticed that he is slightly nearsighted. At this point we don't have to do anything about his eyes, but the doctor would like to see him back in a year to make sure everything is developing as it should. I also got new lens and new frames!! I have not had new frames since before we got married and the paint was beginning to rub off!! Sorry, no picture....I am still trying to find a suitable time to go by and pick them up.....with both of the children....

Jessica has been seeing her Speech Therapist and her Occupational Therapist once a week for about a month (about two months for the Speech Therapist). Last week was a tough week. Jessica was more difficult to handle than usual, and David and I noticed yet a few more milestones her friends were reaching that she has not. The closer she gets to school-aged the more obvious to us the delays become. The apple does not fall far from the tree. Jessica is A LOT like me. Although our pediatrician keeps thinking that she has Aspergers and that she must get it from David....for the record, we don't agree. Currently, the thinking is that Jessica is very distracted and that this paired with her highly visual learning style is preventing her from meeting appropriate developmental milestones.

This week, we have been seeing GREAT gains!!! For quite some time, Jessica felt like the television needed to be on all of the time, even though she wasn't watching it. Recently, she has started requesting it less often and has been more interested in activities like board games, playing with John, running around the house, and playing with her toys! She has also been talking a lot more and taking a real interest in communicating things that interest her --- this has been very entertaining!!! We are also looking into some additional supports as well. Overall, we are very hopeful and pleased with all of the progress she has made! We are also relieved to be getting a break from all of the therapy for a week at Christmas!!!!! It can be quite draining adjusting to a therapy intensive schedule and all of the emotions that go along with it.

The Plague

We have all been stricken with what we believe to be a roto virus. It has been absolutely gross and awful. We are on week two of this. The timing wasn't great because David doesn't have any real time to take off, but we are making it work. I am currently scrubbing, scrubbing, scrubbing the house to try and scrub out all of the germs! Will return when we have vanquished the roto virus or whatever awful plague has laid siege to our house!!

First

We've had several new "firsts" at our house over the past week!

John's first taste of homemade rice cereal.

I started Jessica on cereal at 6 months because that is when babies loose the reflex to push things out with their tongues. She took to it like a duck to water! We started John on rice cereal several weeks earlier than Jessica (because he kept trying to grab all of the food off the table) and most of it ended up on the bib! I am sure he will be a pro by next month once that reflex dissipates!

John's first time swinging outside. (It was Jessica's idea!)

Getting a cute picture of Jessica and John at the same time is like trying to herd cats!

John is getting to be such a big boy!!! He will be in a size 12 months before we know it!! He is always very happy...unless he is tired!! He also loves to talk and be talked to! Also he has recently taken an interest in toys! So far his favorites are: the mirror/bug toys on his bouncer seat, the mirror/animal toys on his walker, the toy on the bebe pod, and a Bright Starts Musical Sea Turtle.....we had borrowed one from a friend and he liked it so well that I ordered him one on ebay.....apparently it wasn't very popular because it is not available anymore! Mostly, he likes any toy with eyeballs!!! Unlike Jessica, John seems to have my interests! He loves playing all of the little games my parents used to play with me! He is a very easy baby who loves to snuggle and talk to you! He also has a spectacular laugh and adores his big sister Jessica!!! John, may you always bring as much joy and laughter to others as you bring to our family! We love you baby boy!

Where We Are At

Well, it has been several days since my last blog post, and a lot has changed. Jessica is now set up to have an evaluation with an Occupational Therapist next week. Hopefully they will be able to help with some of the attentional/sensory things me and the Speech Therapist have noticed. Our insurance will cover 60% of the evaluation; however, David is switching companies (not jobs, just who pays him) in the near future, so we do not know if any of the Speech or Occupational Therapy will be covered through the new insurance. Therefore, we have had to make some adjustments to our budget. While I love to save money, there are some things I won't go the cheap route on....therapy for my kid is one of them! Hopefully, by addressing some of these things now, Jessica will require fewer supports and will be less behind as she approaches school-aged. I am not really certain what is going on with Jessica, but I don't really have a desire to have a name to call it. I just want to get her whatever help she needs. I was also able to speak with a couple colleagues this week, who all seemed to agree that we were approaching it in a very thorough and practical way. It was really nice to be able to bounce my thoughts off some of them. I have been concerned that as I am Jessica's mommy, I might let my bias keep me from getting her the help she needs. It was also encouraging to hear one of my colleagues (and friend) tell me that she would have made the same choices had she been in my position.

I also have new pictures of the kiddos that I will intersperse throughout the rest of this post for their adoring fans (aka grandparents)!

Jessica and John in their homemade pallet!

I have been reminded this week, why it is so important to have faith. As our preacher put it this week: It is impossible to survive life's storms unless you believe in something greater than yourself. I'll add that without a belief in something greater than yourself, all you get is ulcers and anxiety!!!

Jessica enjoying her Bible School at home!

John joins us sometimes too if he is not too busy sleeping!

I am hopeful that as we enter this new period in our lives full of therapy appointments, doing homework from therapy appointments, and paying for therapy appointments, that I will still have time to occasionally post fun, crafty, yummy, frugal things we've done lately. However I have a feeling that some of those things will get pushed to the backburner for a while.

After a long day in the OR, Jessica enjoys coming home and cooking!

John is getting to be a big boy with a lot to say!! Sometimes David and I have to stop talking because we can't hear each other over him!!!

John LOVES his walker!!

Jessica thought John needed some toys, so she brought him some. (There is a reason I keep all of the choking hazards locked up in a closet and this is it!!!)

Jessica can now work 50 piece puzzles by herself and enjoys taking her cabbage patch doll everywhere! She is getting sooo tall!!! She is rapidly moving into size 3T!!

Jessica and Daddy building a boat from a kit they bought at Lowe's!

David and I have been enjoying free dates in the backyard stargazing after the kids go to bed. I am so glad that we chose to buy this house so we could stargaze from our own backyard with a relatively good view!

Soon, I am getting ready to take John and Jessica to see some of the lovely fall foliage with some friends who are not from The South. This will be our first stop on our "Tour of The South." It should be fun and educational!

I am most definitely raising a little Southern belle!! Look at that pretty dress from Nana and that glass of (decaf) sweet tea!

I am still working on Christmas gifts and having a lot of fun!! Looking forward to some quiet time this evening to sit down and work on them some more!

Jessica and Daddy "bonding" in the backyard over some yard work! My dad always used to say that doing yard work was the perfect time to "bond" with the kids!

Looking forward to a great weekend relaxing with family and friends! Hope you all have a great weekend too!

Front Porch Friday

My hard drive died earlier this week. After two days of trying, my husband was able to get all of the kids' pictures and my documents off of it!! That was a relief since we had not backed up the pictures since before John was born! David ended up ordering a back-up hard drive so that we won't have this happen again! So...that explains why I haven't written anything else this week!

Jessica had her first Speech therapy session today. Her Speech therapist said Jessica is very smart and should be a quick study! Already within the last week she has made a huge amount of progress. Last Friday when she went in for her Speech evaluation, the Speech therapist suggested that we start using American Sign Language with the verbal words to help make it more visual for her. It made a HUGE difference!!! I wish I had started doing that a long time ago!!! We have some homework to work on this week. Hopefully, by doing the homework every week, we will graduate from Speech therapy very quickly....which I am highly motivated to do since we are paying out of pocket!!!

And now both kids are down for a nap....for I don't know how much longer....so I am going to go get a few more things done!

Momma Needs a Big Mac!!!!!!!!!!

Today was John's 4 month check-up. David wasn't able to stay home and go with us so I had to take both kids by myself. We got there at 10, but apparently I had called and changed the appointment to 9 am but hadn't changed it on my card!!! Thankfully they were able to work us in....we had to wait a bit, but we got in! John is growing to be a big big boy!! He is already over 16 lbs! The doctor also said that he thinks John's eyes are ok, but since they still look kind of crossed, we will be taking him to an ophthalmologist at 6 months just to make sure. He also commented on how talkative John is! John is not rolling over at all; however, he is trying to pull up to a sit. It is amazing how different kids are!

The doctor also asked how Jessica's speech was going. I told him that the Speech Pathologist also agreed that she was not "on the spectrum" (although I think a lot of that had to do with what I had told her I thought....since I am the School Psychologist), and he said, "Good. I had actually been a little worried about that." Oy vey! Good thing for Jessica that her mother is a School Psychologist; otherwise, I think she would have been diagnosed as being "on the spectrum" by now. They give those diagnoses out like candy these days!!!!!! More on that later. I digress....

John got two shots, and we went out to the waiting room to pay. I turned around, and Jessica was standing there stark NAKED!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then she started yelling, "Pee Pee, Pee Pee!!!!" so I grabbed her and ran down the hall to the bathroom (with her still stark naked....the people in the hallway found it very hilarious.....thankfully the waiting room was empty)! Then we went back, cleaned up the mess, changed her clothes, and got me a flu shot!!!! Let me just say that was one of the most.....interesting......doctor's visit!!!!!!!!

September 11, 2001

A few short hours from now, it will be the 9th anniversary of September 11th. I have been a mother for a little over 2 years, but this is the first year I have thought about September 11th from the perspective of a mother (I don't know why....it just struck me this year for some reason). This year it occurred to me just how very important it is that I teach my children about September 11th.


On September 11, 2001 I was in college and living at home. That particular semester I was taking Elementary Calculus, which was a big review for me since I had taken Calculus in high school. At any rate, I decided to skip class that morning. I was in the shower listening to the radio (I used to like to sing in the shower before I lived in an apartment where the walls were thin as paper!), when an announcement came on about a plane crashing into the World Trade Center. My mom was the only one home at this point, so I yelled down the stairs to tell her what happened. We turned on the TV and watched together as another plane crashed into the Pentagon. Then I had to go to class (because I was not doing well in biology).


The things I remember about that day and the days that followed are the fear for those that were trapped, the sadness for the families that lost loved ones, the tears for all of those hurting, the desire to have those you loved close to you, and the pride in our country and her people. On that day and the days that followed, we put aside trivial matters and focused on the things that mattered most.


The history of the world is blotted with many truly evil deeds: September 11th, Pearl Harbor, the Holocaust,...just to name a few from very recent history. Remembering these events and passing on that remembrance to our children is of up-most importance so that we never forget. You might think it is impossible to forget such dramatic images, but there are those who deny that the holocaust ever happened. When we allow ourselves to forget about the evil in the world, we become oblivious and invite it into our own homes. We must never let our guard down and always stand up for what is right no matter the cost.

You can view some pictures from the Ground Zero Museum at this blog.

(Hopefully) The Beginning of a Beautiful Relationship

Disclaimer: Jessica is not hitting John. She is actually patting him on the head!

Mini Me?

Jessica started out looking like a carbon copy of David. As she has gotten older, she has begun to sprout a few features from my side of the family, most notably my dad's big blue eyes. At first everyone thought John looked just like David as well; however, after the first few weeks, we couldn't figure out who he looked like!

Here are some pictures of David as a baby.

Here are some pictures of me as a baby.

Here are some pictures of Jessica as a baby.

And here are some pictures of John.

What do you think?

Finally!!!!

Last night I was finally able to do some sewing while Jessica played in the office without getting into too much!!! Usually I have to wait until both children are sleeping (and I don't have anything else pressing) to do the mending. BUT last night, I repaired two diaper soakers, one pair of my pants, finished a baby doll diaper, got half way finished with another car seat swaddling blanket for John,

repaired a dress for Jessica that my mother made for me when I was 4 years old

and turned a pair of worn flannel pajamas into soft short sleeved and capri pajamas!

Aren't you impressed? Now I only have 2 dresses to alter for Jessica and the carseat swaddling blanket left in my mending basket. Perhaps it is time to go find some of those other projects that have been put on hold recently... :-) It was really nice to be able to get a little sewing done while enjoying having my little girl under foot!! I am truly enjoying the 2.5 year old stage!!

More Photos!!

We had a nice relaxing weekend with my parents, my sister, Katie, and my brother, John! They stayed in a nice little condo on the beach about a mile from our house, and we went to visit them during the day! Most of the photos are on my parents' computer, but here are a few!!

Jessica enjoying the view from the balcony.

Aunt Katie got in some quality time with Jessica before we come to Memphis and she has competition!!

Jessica hanging out with one of her favorite people: Pa Pa. All weekend long all I heard was "Pa Pa, Pa Pa, Pa Pa...." You get the idea!

Jessica and Aunt Katie had great fun designing clothes with a special sketch pad Katie bought at the Village Toymaker!

My mom and John getting a little cuddling time in!

Uncle John and Baby John getting some special bonding time in!

Definitely one of my favorite pictures of John

Pa Pa with both of the grandkids!

Jessica went to a Princess Birthday party while the family was in town. She went as Cinderella wearing the costume Pa Pa had picked out for her.

Uncle John and Jessica had a lot of fun together too!

Especially when they pretended to be pirates! ARRRGGGGHHH!!!!!

John decided to wear Jessica's sunglasses.....definitely not his best look!

And finally, an adorable picture of John from a few weeks ago! This was his first time going to the church nursery, and he really enjoyed the lesson!!